To Love Again
by Soul Hunter
Summary: A popular celebrity's desperate struggle to free herself from the bondage of a hopeless love...


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TO LOVE AGAIN

By Soul Hunter

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Author's note: I just wish to give acknowledgment to the composer who wrote the song that used here. I apologize for having forgotten your name. But in case you chance upon this story, thanks. You know who you are.

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Her hand scrambles inside the glove box.

"Darn it, where's that CD?"

The wheels screeched. Julia holds her breath, but only for a moment. A quick reflex action jerks her left hand to turn the steering wheel slightly left, and her car narrowly avoids a stalled van. She breathes a sigh of relief, then scolds herself for her negligence.

"That was close" she thought to herself. It's nearly three in the afternoon, and she's got more than enough time to fetch her 5-year old darling from school. Normally, Julia would commission one of her personal aids to see to her daughter's safety after class. 

But today is different. She had just come from the record office, where her manager gleefully informed her that her latest single, "To Love Again", had just made double platinum in sales, merely two weeks within its release date. Of course, it didn't come nowhere close to beating the enormous sales garnered by her first single, "Eyes on Me". Nevertheless, Julia has reason to celebrate. One of her dreams has finally come to fruition.

"Dreams" she contemplates. It's been quite a while since she last thought of her dreams. For all this time, Julia had always accepted the end of her rainbow. The sad realization of her final dream's demise.

What brought her to write this song in the first place?

All of the sudden, Julia hesitates. A feeling of melancholy begins to engulf her as she finally takes hold of the disk. What could have possessed her to want to listen to this song when she knows only too well the kind of dull pain that brought her to grab a pen and make for the nearest grand piano. To time and again pour out her emotions in a collection of words and notes that would remind her once more of her lost love.

She then pushes it inside the slot.

"Can't believe I'm doing this to myself."

The panel registers 01:00'. She's got less than a minute to pop the CD out of the CD player.

Too late

...

...

_Music is fine _

_It helps me forget for awhile_

_I look back and recall _

_Those days I had with you_

Julia bites her lower lip. (This is definitely not the way to go). Slowly and steadily, the memories fill her aching psyche. Visions of a blue uniform, long flowing hair, and a ridiculous limp incredulously blamed to an ill-advised bout of nervousness. Funny how a fearless soldier would suddenly turn silly-putty over a grand piano and a simple girl behind it. But that's just it. Sometimes, funny can be equated to adorable. How does that work? Drop the question. Just accept the hard fact of life that it does work. Most of the time unwittingly, as these things have a nasty habit of ruining a girl's plan in life. She didn't exactly expect him to snag her in an enchantment of this magnitude.

Oh, why does he have to be funny?

Why does he have to open my heart?

And those eyes

Yeah, those eyes. She loved those eyes. She adored them. Those twinkling pair of diamonds that once brought her to a delightful compulsion of getting up in the middle of the night to put into words the sweet thoughts of stifled love that suddenly sprang to her mind all because of those eyes.

And sometimes she can't help but wonder. After all these years, where has he gone to? What manner of scenery, heaven-sent or hell-crafted, could those fragile and heart-melting eyes be witnessing at this very moment?

Are they

Are they basking in the radiant glow of yet another woman?

Has he totally forgotten her?

_Sometimes I need a friend _

_Just to make it through _

_Another day spent without you_

"Damn you, Laguna" she curses. Not finding another recourse, Julia opts to stop the car by the loose-gravel shoulder. Reddened eyes threatening to burst into a torrent of tears stare at the track counter of the CD player. Mind flying of elsewhere else-WHEN. Hand trembling, reaching out then retreating back. That's a twelve thousand gil CD player.

"Get a grip, Julia." She warns herself. Then finally succumbs to the storm of emotions too powerful to be held back by her meager force of will. Sobs permeate through the extravagant interior of the imported Estharian luxury cruise-mobile. Sobs mixed with the painful resonance of a tormented voice that can't stop uttering the words:

"I can't go on like this!"

_You _

_You gave me all the reasons to live_

Julia smiles. A bitter smile. A smile reminiscent of a nigh-namesake's immortalized words of restrained affection. _Parting is such sweet sorrow_.

She was smiling in bed. She has never felt this thrilled in all her 22 years. Just a few moments ago the funny Galbadian soldier with the blue uniform and long flowing hair made his exit from her hotel suite, but not before leaving her with a promise that counts for a lifetime of anticipation.

_"Can we see each other again?"_

_"Of course. I have to hear you sing."_

He wants to hear her sing. Her heart fills at the thought. Her mind sings the melody of the wordless tune that, thanks to him, will finally be adorned with soulful words of deep affection. It was ways past midnight, and yet her being is still filled with this unrestrainable energy that must find its release, or its promise of bliss be forfeited forever. Julia gets up and grabs her pen.

_Then you had to go _

_And I just got to let you know _

_It's hard to love again _

_Just to make it through _

_Another day spent without you_

One month. Two months. Three four fi

He never came back.

He promised he would hear her sing. He has got to hear her sing. She invested so much of her emotions on that song that was inspired by those fragile, diamond eyes he perennially uses to possess her soul. She wrote that song for him. He has to hear her sing.

But he won't. He will not, at least until after millions of unconcerned others' beat him to it first. 

And what of Julia? She would later bask in the limelight, revel in her newly found fame, made expeditious by the enticing magic of that heart-rending song of love that she originally wrote for the one soul who has yet to hear it. For the next few months, she would smile. A smile for the cameras, counterfeit and utterly empty. Hers was her much sought-after success. But then, she has no one to share it with.

This parting is not sweet. It's all sorrow.

_And I don't want to go on pretending _

_That it's gonna be a happy ending_

Will things ever be better for her? Julia can't help but wonder. What does she have right now? Fame and fortune, more than she ever thought possible. Her name's a byword in every household, every district, every corner of society. She's the epitome of success, of that enviable image of an ordinary albeit talented young woman who used her God-given gifts to further herself to the good life, all the while doing service for other people as well.

Other less fortunate individuals

Homeless families, battered wives, abused children

And here she is, sulking.

"I have a loving husband and a beautiful daughter."

_If I should love again _

_Once I've learned to love again_

"Remember the time we first met?"

He's so handsome, Julia thought. He's a little older than her, but she doesn't mind. Other girls have been drooling for this opportunity an intimate dinner date with Galbadia's famous war hero, General Richard Caraway. Who would think it'd be her of all people who'd be given this privilege to be associated among her country's best?

But then again, the gallant general is by no means receiving a less than fair end of the deal. He's dining with Deling City's most popular society figure. The alluring and much sought after recording artist who made millions in sales of her first single en route to a record-breaking triple Platinum. He's got it made as well, if the opinions of other men were to be asked.

"Julia?"

"Oh, uh sorry." She sheepishly apologizes. "What was it you were saying?"

"Umm I was asking if you remember how we first met."

"Oh yeah" Julia trails off secretly cursing at no one in particular for being asked that of all questions. "Uhh I was in the middle of an inquiry"

"Asking about that soldier, right?" Richard interrupts.

"Y-Yeah"

The good general pauses for a second, reluctant to voice out the next question which he fears might be misconstrued as being overly intrusive to her privacy. Nevertheless, his compulsion and curiosity still defeated his strong ethical conduct.

"I hope you don't mind me asking but what's his relation to you? The soldier you were asking about."

"Umm ahh"

"But that's alright. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Julia smiles. For the most part of this night prior to this moment, she had been feeling a little bit uneasy. Not for any particular reason. A month ago, she used her influence to call the usually elusive Galbadian armed forces reserves inquiry line to ask about Laguna Loire, who was then missing in action. For some reason, the operator responding to her call forwarded her to the private number of General Caraway. She thought then that there was something fishy going on. A day previous, her suspicion was confirmed when Richard Caraway gave her a called and asked her to dine with him.

The singer was uncomfortable, but she nevertheless said yes. The feeling of discomfort persisted however, until this moment when for reasons unknown, she suddenly felt an uncanny goodness in the man in front of her. She can't say she's thankful, but Julia opted to welcome the unexpected feeling of safety in his company. Her sentiments afforded a sweet smile, to the delight of the Galbadian army officer.

"He was a friend" she replies. General Caraway knows enough about women's behavior to detect a hidden message behind the response Julia gave him. He picks up his crystal wine glass to take a sip.

"I see I'm sorry we didn't make much headway with our investigations of his current whereabouts. You see, he wasn't the only one who was missing."

"Hey, don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"Thank you." Caraway grins. Julia returned the cheerful smile.

And to her own wonderment, she found herself carrying her feeling of comfort one step further.

"How about you? Anyone special?"

"Oh" General Caraway was mildly startled. "Uhh no. No one in particular."

"You're lying." Was Julia's bold rebuttal, which completely caught him off-guard. "I've been hearing a lot about you and Ms. Menken."

"Uhh you mean Carina Y-Yeah" he shyly returned. "We had a relationship before. But let me be the first to tell you that it's all but completely finished."

Julia mocks an expression of surprise. "Really? How so? You two looked so good together."

"Well I have my reasons." He retorted. "Besides, the more I look at you, the more I'm being convinced that I'm about to do the right thing."

"Yeah right. You men are all alike. Flatterers!" Julia shoots back with a smirk.

"No, I'm serious"

For a moment, the recording artist paused. But it didn't take long before she flashed yet another alluring smile, to the immense gladness of the famed general. However, he wasn't nearly half as prepared for her next statement.

"Alright, convince me then."

_And though it will _

_Never be the same without you baby _

_This pain inside me is driving me crazy_

She was desperate. She had come to the point where using someone on the rebound would be the most sensible way to release her from this incorrigible obsession to see Laguna once again. She had lost hope, an expression of total surrender extravagantly displayed by what jaded observers termed as the wedding of the century, which took place merely months from that dinner night.

Julia half-anticipated a life replete with hypocrisy and pretension, as she prepared herself to execute the greatest acting role in history by posing as a loving wife to her unsuspecting husband. She bore him a beautiful baby girl. But even though she loves her daughter with all her heart, she just can't bring herself to say the same about her husband.

Wait a minute, she loves her daughter with all her heart.

It's true. Now that Julia thought about it, she probably wouldn't have lasted the last five years without Rinoa. She had become her diminutive pride and joy, the only light shining brightly and illuminating the way of her otherwise hopelessly dark existence. 

And while thinking about this in depth, a revealing scene flashed in Julia's mind. The picture of her husband, Richard, getting up in the middle of the night to attend to a hollering Rinoa. She had told him to let her take care of the baby. He refused, and insisted that she needed her rest. Julia then opted to call the nanny, but Richard likewise prevented her from doing so.

"She's my daughter." He said. "I'll take care of her."

Julia followed Richard with her eyes. She then got up a little later. Beads of joyful tears welled from her eyes upon witnessing father and daughter serenely resting on the rocking chair, daughter sleeping soundly while father humming a familiar tune of love.

A tune she once offered to a certain Galbadian soldier. And a tune who now belongs to her daughter and to her loving husband.

_'Coz it's hard to love again_

"No it's not." Julia mutters. She can't explain why, but for the first time in the last six years, the confused Galbadian singing sensation felt at peace.

It's not hard to love again. All she had to do was look in the right direction.

And right now, she can look in all directions. Julia once again felt the warm spring of repentant joy flowing down her cheeks. She's surrounded by people who love her without reservation! She's got Rinoa, her adorable five-year old darling who lights up her life in her darkest hour.

And Richard? The famous General Caraway? He loves her too, more than she'll ever know. Probably more than Laguna could ever offer her. Proof of the matter? He gave her Rinoa. And more so, he gave her his life in marriage.

Now it's time to give Richard back the same love that he has been showering with all these years. It's high time for Julia to sing to the right music.

"Richard, I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you."

And she would have done so.

If only Julia had seen the oncoming truck

**THE END**


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